Like this:

As I’m sure you all know, I cannot stand the tea-party.  I just can’t understand how people can legitimately believe some of the rhetoric spat at them from big names such as Ron and Rand Paul, Glenn Beck, etc.  It baffles the mind, it is one big, amorphous, logical fallacy.  I figured that maybe I was judging them too harshly though, maybe the few I know aren’t a fair indication of what the movement’s like as a whole, so I decided to look up their party platform, and surprise surprise, I found stuff that would make the KKK support them.  The following is a letter written by Mark Williams, head of Tea Party Express, an organization that puts together tours of the US for Tea Party speakers, i.e. Sarah Palin, and, this one came as a surprise to me, Joe the Plumber (that guy that, as it turns out, wasn’t really a plumber).  Anyway, the letter…

Dear Mr. Lincoln:

We Coloreds have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!

In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.

The tea party position to “end the bailouts” for example is just silly. Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn’t that what we want all Coloreds to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bail outs directly to us coloreds! Of course, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the only responsible party that should be granted the right to disperse the funds.

And the ridiculous idea of “reduce[ing] the size and intrusiveness of government.” What kind of massa would ever not want to control my life? As Coloreds we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions!

The racist tea parties also demand that the government “stop the out of control spending.” Again, they directly target coloreds. That means we Coloreds would have to compete for jobs like everybody else and that is just not right.

Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government “stop raising our taxes.” That is outrageous! How will we coloreds ever get a wide screen TV in every room if non-coloreds get to keep what they earn? Totally racist! The tea party expects coloreds to be productive members of society?

Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by the massa in the house. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we belong.

Sincerely

Precious Ben Jealous, Tom’s Nephew NAACP Head Colored Person

If that’s not racist and offensive, I don’t know what is, well maybe state senator Chris Buttars is, but this is right up there with all things offensive.  Well at press time (I always try to insert fancy terms into my blog), nobody in the tea party movement had denounced this letter.  I know this may come off as a ridiculous comparison (much like the tea party’s comparing Obama to Hitler and Lenin), but I quite frankly see the tea party as quite similar to the Klan.  They’re anti-anything with color, but cover that up with the benign facade of mainstream conservatism.  Much like the Klan, they are very pro-WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) values and culture, pro-small government, and very militant.  I know a tea partier who said “I don’t agree with everything Glenn Beck says, for instance, he says that the way to change the country is with ballots, not bullets or bombs, and I disagree.”  I have no idea how to follow that, do I report them to the police?

The part I really laugh about is that they all freaked when it was found that Bill Ayers, the leader of a terrorist organization in the 60′s known as the weathermen, was an acquaintance of President Obama, because he blew up a few buildings, whereas it’s alright for them to blow up buildings or kill people because they disagree with the politics of the day.

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